Miraculous Home

Yesterday in the shower, I broke, as the shower head sprayed, tears burned trails of salty hot down my soaking cheeks. My body wrenched with pain. I was keening, though no one was dead. I screamed for God. I called out, 'God, help me! God, save me! God, I surrender, please, please, please take this I cannot bear it!' I was loud, yelling begging dripping with fear and completely naked literally and figuratively. I was awaiting a miracle. I was thinking that it would be a burning bush, or wine to water, but no, the miracle didn't appear like the stories of the Bible, yet it was no less miraculous.

HAPPENINGS MIRACULOUS

I washed myself clean, stepped out of the shower and toweled dry. Then I blew my nose, and wiped my tears even as they continued to gently flow. I brushed my teeth. Ten minutes later I was slipping my earrings in and heading out the door. I drove to work where I teach students how to manage their emotions using positive coping mechanisms and theatre. This day I was working with students at a suspension center in the Bronx. I listened to Joel Osteen and messages from the Center of Spiritual Living. I ended the hour and a half drive to work with Dan Savages podcast. When I arrived at school the bad ass beautiful foul mouthed magnificent children smiled and chatted happy to see me. One of them, a little chunky Puerto Rican girl I call mini me came up and gave me a big hug, she said, "Miss, today is my last day, I'ma miss you though, for real." This is a very tough child from the South Bronx who doesn't normally hug. She hugged me.

Where's the miracle? In the details. I made it to work, on time, actually I was early. Miracle. I smiled laughed and connected with students. Miracle. Mini me hugged me and well, Mirracle. The inspirational messages I listened to were perfectly on point and gave me exactly what I needed at the exact moment I needed it.

At this moment I am conscious of God within. This knowing moment of Oneness and Unity, creates a feeling of peace and freedom and knowing, it was a moment of euphoria. The moment didn't last very long. I want to say that is sad, but I don't truly feel sad about it. I feel a sense of peace and a heightened expectation to be that conscious of God. I know I can do that again and again.

I have dug deep, in an attempt to understand the reasons I have metaphysically created the challenges that I am experiencing. I have put my shovel down for a while. The why isn't a solution. The solution is to keep my attention on the G*d. Within as with out.

There are situations that are occurring in life that are completely and utterly heartbreakingly painful. There are also moments that are the pinnacle of bliss and perfection. I am sure that I am not alone in that experience. The duality and knowing calms and brings great peace and connection. I am not alone. Miracles happen every moment, over and over. Life ebbs and flows around me and there are truly no mistakes, merely what is.

I will have bad days, I will have good days. I choose GOD presence in all ways, all days, always. IT doesn't stop the pain, IT doesn't change the realities that exist. What IT does is much more profound. IT lives in me and so I know and remember that I am a spiritual being having a human experience and not just a frail fallible human floating around lost and searching to belong. I am beautiful and rare manifestation of God.

Just because I left...

I am home.

It's a miracle.

 

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