Pop & Switch

I'm practicing non-violent parenting. So when my boy mis-behaves or does something in a way I don't want to encourage, I resist the urge to 'pop'.

I was raised with the 'pop' and 'the switch'. Most of my community was raised that way and encouraged such practice. Many in my community state that 'children must learn to fear you or they will not obey.' As one of those grown up children who was raised with fear, the 'pop', and 'the switch' didn't work for me. I won't pop and/or switch my kid.

I remember as child getting spanked or physically intimidated and knowing that one day I was gonna be big too and then I would be able to hit and bully too.

I never want my son to feel cold and callus fear of whoopings.

Besides, my sons doctor recently told me that my little one was going to grow up and be at least 6'2". He's a tall boy and strong now. I don't want to raise a big ass man that's waiting for the time when he's big enough to strike, because he was raised on fear and intimidation.

Sidebar, I did try the pop once, after some serious peer pressure. I was so awkward and guilty about it that my little boy actually ended up comforting me. 'No pop mommy. I'mb-okay.' So, I don't pop.

However, I do use my big commanding voice.

I use my voice the way I was taught by the dog trainer. Wait, wait, wait, I'm not in anyway comparing my child to a dog...but there are similarities in training. Dogs have to know when you mean business and its all related in your tone. It's not a scream or a yell, but it's bass and authoritative. When that voice comes out, which I must admit takes energy, it gets the desired result.

As I work on perfecting the tone with my son, my goal is to find a balance that doesn't scare the shit out of him or allow him to ignore me. I'm also open to other tactics. Allowing him time to experience his upset because there's no more Umizumi, just has to happen. He's allowed to tantrum, to attempt to fold his arms and run out of the room drama style (he got that one from me honestly) and yet he still does what he's told. No, I don't make him do it with a smile on his face. I can't be forced to smile, why should I attempt to force him?

This leads me back to the point of this post, force doesn't work for us. Intimidation, bullying, 'pops' and 'the switch' have proven to be devices that don't serve.

I acknowledge that this divergence from the familial pathology will at time seem the road much harder, but me and the boy are worth it.

Thanks for reading.

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