Charlottesville

“I can’t watch the news, it’s making me ill. I actually threw-up! Can you believe it? And Erica you know I don’t throw up.” -  Mom last night.

“Is it because of that Donald Trump again?” says my six-year-old, and then he sighs and smacks his forehead.

My mother is a devout follower of astrology. She says that this civil unrest is already written in the stars. She says it will happen more and be even worse. I’ve often blown off her astrological theories as hippy dippy bullshit. It’s getting increasingly more difficult to do that.

I wish I could believe she’s wrong now. I don’t.

I wish I could believe DJT had nothing to do with the current climate of our country. I can’t.

I will do what I can to create peace and safety in my family, and community. I will.

Historians say every 300 years an empire has fallen.

The U.S.A. has had independence 241 years.

About 222 of those years the U.S.A. has been at war.  

This has always been our home. Why are we acting surprised? 

We were stolen and brought to a land that was stolen and then we were enslaved.

Why are we surprised? Because we fell asleep. Now we must stay woke.

I’m in my feelings and quite inarticulate, at the moment, so…I don’t have shit else to say. So take a look at this from NPR's Bill Chappell...

"...America is heading toward the day when whites will no longer make up the majority of the population. And U.S. children will get there soon, according to a new U.S. Census Bureau report. The agency also says the overall U.S. population will grow older — and grow more slowly — in coming years.

By around 2020, "more than half of the nation's children are expected to be part of a minority race or ethnic group," the Census Bureau says, putting Americans under the age of 18 at the front of a trend that will see the overall population follow suit some 20 years later.

"When that shift for the U.S. as a whole takes place by 2044, the Census Bureau predicts no one racial or ethnic group will dominate the U.S. in terms of size," NPR's Hansi Lo Wang reports. "Overall, the U.S. population is set to grow more slowly over the next few decades partly because of declining fertility rates. It's expected to hit 400 million by 2051."

I wonder if POCs will be kinder and more compassionate when the tables turn. 

Unarmed People of Color Killed by Police, 1999-2014

795.85K

Rich Juzwiak and Aleksander Chan

12/08/14 02:15PM

Filed to: BLACK LIVES MATTER

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Ode to Him

He, my now six-year-old son, is undoubtedly one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. He continues to amaze me. Seriously, I’ve never ever known love like this before. I mean I loved him from before he took his first breath, when I clicked my heels at the ultrasound that let us know we were definitely having a little boy. I loved him even more when, my then wife, pushed him out and I cut the cord. The love intensified and escalated that first night of his life when he slept in a little ball on my chest in the hospital. Skin to skin. The three of us sleeping our first night in our little three-person family. From there it got challenging, keeping a tiny infant alive and happy. The dynamics changed when his other mom and I separated and divorced. However, my love for him continued to grow and deepen. I didn’t know I was capable of loving like this.

He, my six-year-old son, has me falling deeper in love on a daily basis. He is the kindest, most loving and caring human I’ve ever known. Not only am I head over heels in love with him, but I really really like him. His nature is genuine and joyful. He does little things on a regular basis that astound me and help me grow to become a better person. For example, he likes to hold me and stroke my hair as I read him his bedtime stories and sing him his unique and original night-night song. He tells me that I’m the best momma in the whole world. Sidebar – he says the same to his other mom too.

He is a rule follower and very considerate of others. He sings in the shower. He delights in his independent play and loves to lay on my chest (though 60lbs. now ---whoa!) and watch a “family” movie or Steven Universe. He loves to chat while he’s naked applying his lotion and brushing his teeth. He’s so comfortable in his own skin. He know that he’s deeply loved and cherished in both of his homes and with both his mommies and his entire family.

When I was a child I dreamed of having a son. I never thought to imagine my dreams would come true with such an absolutely amazing little boy like my boy. He’s a blessing beyond my wildest expectations.

Honestly, before he was born I didn’t know if I would be able to love a baby, a child, my child in this way and so deeply since he didn’t come from my womb. The crazy part is that I couldn’t love him more if he did. Hell, he even looks more like me than his bio-mom. She attributes that to me driving her crazy while she was pregnant. I know he looks like me it’s because he’s always been my son and I his momma and the method of earthly deliver didn’t in anyway change that.

This is an ode of love to the greatest love of my life. To my sweet baby boy I am so grateful for you. Thank you my son for choosing this time, this place and me to be one of your mommies. I will do all I can to be what you need to develop into your best possible highest outcome.

You have my heart.

Always and in all ways.

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Where to begin? Short and something.

I don’t even know what to say or where to begin. I’m sure that happens to others in the blogosphere. Where do you begin your share writing when you don’t have anything weighing on your mind to share? I promised myself I’d do more consistent posting. I got inspired last week and posted 4 days in a row, or maybe it was just 3. Maybe I should look it up and not just guess…I just don’t feel like it. I do make one promise…today’s post will be short…super short, I’m gonna start and end with where I’m at.

 

I’m on an Acela Amtrak train travelling back to my home from Boston and Connecticut. It was glorious to spend quality time with my special lady friend. That sounds so queer! Whatever! She’s special, a friend, and a lady so there. We had a magical (corny-as-fuck / but so true) time together. I’m not only happy but content and at peace. Which is why I’m probably not so prolific at the moment. Chaos tends to breed deep creative and imaginative thoughts for me, but I’m over that life. Time to just use memories and enjoy the good things and some well-deserved grace and ease.

Umm.

That’s it.

For now.

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