Am I crazy?

Good Day Folks!

I know it's been a while and I regret that I have taken so much time between posts.

Life happens. I can honestly just state that as the facts.

I know I don't need an excuse or to tell you what happens/happened. Though obviously I am blogging to figure some crap out and be accountable so, here are the facts and the things I allow to get in the way:

• Sometimes I start the day making the bed, then I begin mopping the floor and the next thing you know I'm cleaning the whole house!
• I can't write when I have my son, right?
• Sometimes the day gets away from me.
• Sometimes I sit and stare off into space.
• Sometimes I decide to be vegan and make elaborate and healthful meals and smoothies.
• Sometimes, while at a summer BBQ, I forget that I have gone vegan and eat the delicious ribs, hamburgers, and hot dogs, potato salad, macaroni & cheese, collards, and sweet tea!
• Sometimes I spend way too much time chit-chatting on the phone.
• Sometimes I ignore callers when I'm really not busy.
• Sometimes I spend too much time looking for free shit on Craigslist or Free-cycle.
• Sometimes I go to too many stores attempting to eek out the best deal.
• Sometimes I spend too much time doing everything except writing which is the thing that I love to do.
• Sometimes I am just in shock at all the life changes I have chosen to embark upon and am rendered still and silent.

Do you have days, weeks, maybe even months when you feel like you just can't or don't or won't get shit done?

Ah, a moment of clarity, I'm in major life transition. I am changing everything. I am changing my focus. I have at least four professions that I have been actively engaged. I have decided to let go of the two that I am least passionate about and am redoubling my efforts on those that I am most committed.

I have been agonizing over this decision in little ways for years. However, the time has come to hone my focus. To become the greatest vision of myself possible and in order to allow that to happen, I must, with love and honor, release careers, jobs, relationships, situations, and behaviors that don't fit.

Can I be honest?

I'm scared. I know that fear isn't real, it's just an illusion and a space I consciously and subconsciously create to conquer and grow. Yet, I have created fearfulness around letting go to grow up bigger.

I'm scared of what life looks like if I keep running. I'm logging almost 15 miles a week running and walking. I'm scared that I won't be able to keep it up and will come crashing down.

I'm scared that as I quest towards enlightenment I will stumble and make another mess of things.

I'm scared I will fail.

I'm scared that I won't achieve what I know I am here to achieve.

Yes I'm scared, but I'm doing it anyway, and some days it's a lot more challenging than others.

I experience fear but I fight like the Dickens (don't know who the Dickens'es are exactly but I hear they are pretty tough) to move forward and experience the fear and not let the fear be my entire experience.

Yesterday in class, I spoke the 'why?', and the 'what?' of my dream. I would like to share that with you.

I am here to Inspire love, Ignite creativity, & Empower humanity with the knowing of God/Divine Spirit within and all around us.

Read. Like. Follow.

Have a Great Day!

Much Love,

E~

 

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