VaLiD

Hey Folks.

As you know, this blog started from the unhappy seed of a messy divorce as well as a desire to grow emotionally and spiritually with accountability, in whatever form that would take.

Today I have received a judgement in my favor from the judge, in the saga of our divorce. A motion went in my favor. Even though I wasn't granted all that I requested the motion leaned my way and in the favor of our precious son.

I don't know if I have adequate words to describe my relief.

Relief because as a non-biological mom I am often referred to and thought of as "less" than the bio mom. This is obviously not accurate. And while untrue, it is where the majority of our legal system is at this time.

My soon to be ex wife and I created our baby boy from scratch. Meaning we visioned about him, named him and called him into our lives. We believed ourselves ready in all ways to be his mommas..kinda, then we took the steps to have him grow in her body and our collective soul. While she carried him physically, I carried him and her emotionally and spiritually. We were building a family and we each had very important tasks and roles to play.

The decision of the court in my favor struck a chord in me that was completely surprising. I felt instantly like, 'Hey, I do exist, I was an integral part of our life together. I am not worthless, nor should I be ignored.' Basically, I feel 'valid' from the court's decision.

Then all the spiritual work kicks in and I have to ask myself the following questions.

Did I need a judge's ruling on my motion to make my role in my marriage and as a parent valid?

Is this the affirmation I had been looking for during the marriage?

Can I validate myself?

Finally, does this validate me as a good person now and I can stop thinking that I'm bad, wrong, evil, or just plain no good?

Aha! That last one takes the cake.

I throw out the cake! It tastes good but I don't need no friggin' cake to feel good!

Got God!

Got sidetracked, I'm back (non-important sidebar but sidebar nontheless - my editor hates it when I tangent, but I do it in person and I do it in print too. 'Least I'm authentic - Son!) - End imitation cool hood voice and gestures.

 

Seriously though, for the first time ever I am really seeing how negative self-talk, and negative beliefs about myself have been running and ruining aspects of my life.

I am of God. If that is truly the case then I am made of God stuff and that stuff is the inclusion of everything and thus I am the inclusion of everything. I guess I have always known that no one is all good or all bad, now I am waking up to the fact that I can choose what and who I want to Be in this life because I am co-creating this stuff with the Almighty.

So...

I am NOT bad

I am NOT evil

I am NOT no damn good

I AM:

the microcosm of the macrocosm of God

made of God stuff and therefore I am Source

Erica. And that's that.

 

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