God

I philosophically ponder on God, peace, and other de-stressing topics as my toddler pretends to nap. He is happily chatting in his bed while I muse on the ethereal. Perhaps he is in his own conversation with God. How the hell would I know? So, why spend precious brain time with what I can never know. My son is happy and content, that is all that I desire at this point.

It is my believe that God shows up where my attention calls It fourth. Yes, I just said 'It'. God the everything, the 'Stuff' that is everywhere and the essence of all that is. My definition doesn't have to be yours but just know, this is where I'm coming from.

God -That's my topic today. I think I'm learning, and "Ouch!" it fucking hurts! I'm learning that to spend mental time wrestling with things, concepts, ideas, facts, lies, stories - that I can do absolutely nothing about - is a waste of time and energy. I'm learning that God shows up where and how my thoughts allow Spirit to be. For instance, I would love love love for my son to be back in daycare, however, that is not possible right now due to circumstances out of my control. I have no need to discuss the nitty gritty details but... there is just nothing I can do at the moment. I have been mentally chewing on this subject for weeks and the only stuff that arises is a venomous cud that ultimately makes me sick with anxiety and worry. I don't like anxiety or cud. Yucky! I mean, yes, it makes my stomach feel flatter because I'm so incredibly tense, but it also leaves my hands sore from being clenched into such tight fists. Ultimately anxiety brings a headache and it's already allergy season, the last thing I need is a self induced headache.

Slowly, very damn slowly, I am learning how to discipline my thoughts. I can usually catch a very negative thought, such as, 'I hate that so and so I wish I had never blank blank blank!' That thought, if left to run wild, would have previously spun into a frenzy of quite toxic thoughts and ultimately lead to bad behavior. Then, to add insult to the injury I would become guilty with the lack of self-control I was able to exert. Next, and this is the kicker, I'd begin to beat myself up with over-eating and/or more negative thought patterns and behaviors! At this point all that negativity is refocused back on me and my inadequacies! What the fuck? I have done this insanity pattern for the better part of my life and have come to only one option that works in my complete and total favor. It seems real corny but, here goes...

I turn my attentions to Spirit/God and when the inciting negative thought presents, I replace it with thoughts of the Greatness, Love, and Kindness of God. Then I do my forgiveness mantra. Remember that?

'So and so', I forgive you for not being what I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free.' (L. Hay)

It is a practice, I'm getting better, though not yet a master.

So corny and simple and effective.

Going to God seems corny.

Oh well, I'm now corny.

Lata Skatas!

E-

 

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