OverWeight

I have thought for so long that I am more than my physical ability, appearance, and limitation. But being overweight is not an arbitrary or accidental disability(it can cause disability but I do not believe it is a disability); it is a choice, a lifestyle choice. It isn’t cancer, it isn’t MS, and it isn’t a birth defect. It is generally a conscious choice to disconnect from physical self care and well-being for one or many reasons. It may be the genesis of many deformities and limitations but it is not, as far as I know, a malignancy that appears out of the blue. I have always believed in a mind/body/spirit connection. I focused a lot on my mind and spirit. Still I have generally had a disconnect my body. I am now beginning to understand how full integration is necessary to experience the life I want to experience to the fullest. This is my choice, it is not something I push on anyone else, hell, I am not a "Change your Life" pusher, I am merely sharing my story.

I have a weight loss goal and I am getting there one tenth of a pound at a time. It is very slow. Painfully slow at most times. But hell, I got where I am one tenth of a pound at a time, soo... I think so much of my weight gain and maintenance has been to keep me safe, hidden, protected in some kind of way. I mean I don’t exactly understand it but it kept me away from people. They didn't really get to see who I am. As far as I believe. No one expects much from someone hidden in the bulk of their body so I have always easily surpassed expectations. I strove to always be more than anyone could have thought I could be. No one expects a fat woman to be athletic and if you are…wow, AMAZING. No one really looks to fat woman to be sexy and beautiful so when we are…wow, SUPER HOTT! It’s like the thought is, ‘how did you manage to be so fierce and fabulous through all that fat?’ As much as I hate to admit it there is a point to that line of thinking. I am not condoning it as right or wrong, merely acknowledging it. Shit, I know I have thought it. When I reject my body by overeating, not exercising, and a general lack of care it is a BIG deal that my beauty is so bright & deep that it can shine through, it is a BIG deal that my sexy can shine through. It is a BIG deal that as much as I have tried to repel others and maybe even myself, that I was unsuccessful and my inner light, my inner love, my inner God shines through. Just a theory as to why people are often surprised and astonished by most things overweight folks do!

 

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