Good Day Folks,
I hope you are having a wonderful day or night.
I am working my way into a great day. It's been a challenging morning emotionally. I woke up feeling kinda 'snarky'. You know that kinda stank, kinda annoyed, kinda-out-of-it feeling that can happen for reasons at first unknown and then upon deeper inspection completely known? Yup, that is me this morning. However, I am determined to rise up into the joy that I know intellectually and soulfully is constantly there for me. I may fake it a bit till I make it but I know that I am gonna make it, I already have.
The morning started with my neighbors five children running around at quarter to five in the morning. They must have been preparing for the beach or camp or something because they are never up that early and by 5:30am they were on their way and it was again silent. They are sweet good kids but I still don't want to hear the herd of them and their excited feet at 4:45am!
Of course, I had fallen asleep way too early, missing TrueBlood, so I figured that I had had enough sleep and headed into my office for meditation.
I lit my incense and candles, gonged my Tibetan singing bowl, and turned on my Ohm chanting music. I took my deep preparation breaths and tried to silence my chatty brain, my thoughts were racing all over the place. I was creating and destroying worlds within my thoughts. I was stewing over my divorce case, my finances, my son, my weight. I was engrossed in past events, betrayals, and vendettas. My thoughts were a mess! I couldn't seem to lose myself in meditation and chanting so I decided to pray. I turned to God and said, 'Help, now.'
There was no miraculous turn around... Ok, I guess there was but I didn't see it as miraculous until just this very moment.
My lack of ability to focus led me to read a passage in Creative Thought, a small monthly pamphlet filled with daily inspirational prayers. That is where I read the following, by Ernest Holmes:
"The evolution of freedom in the human mind is a slow process."
Process, I forget that sometime. Actually, I forget that a lot of times.
Anyway, after meditation, I did week two, day eight of P90X. Today was this workout called Plyometrics, it's all about jumping. I am well over 200lbs. and do not consider myself a jumper let alone a jumper who lands softly as Tony Horton, the creator and instructor of P90X, would like for me to do. This is the second time I have done Plyometrics and while I sense some mild improvements - I didn't fudge out on all of the jump/squat combination - I feel lacking in overall mastery. I did finish the whole video which is an entire hour. I also didn't sit down, turn it off or give up. I modified my ass to kingdom come but didn't quit. AND I didn't talk myself out of the workout because I was in a 'snarky' mood. When that doggone Tony said, "...and we're done!" I growled loudly in deep appreciation that I friggin' made it through!
I made it through.
Then the idea of my process sprang into mind. It was 2011, the year my son was born and also the year I stopped smoking. Since my big stop I have smoked three cigarettes and never picked up the habit again. A year later I started running and ran my first 3.1miles with out stopping. In October 2012, I made a difficult decision and left a very unhappy marital situation. 2013 is proving to be a tremendous year. So far this year I applied and was accepted into a seminary program to become a minister, I began this blog, I am building my own business, I am training for a mini triathlon, I have a daily spiritual practice, and most importantly, I have begun to understand with much more clarity and less judgement who I truly am. I know now that I am unique and rare expression of God, and therefore a co-creator of my life's experiences. I understand the concept of Unity with all persons and am working to practice love, compassion, and forgiveness of self and others all the time.
Hmm.
I'm not feeling so snarky anymore. Plus I had my coffee.
How do you feel? If it's not a feeling you want to have, can you honor, acknowledge and release it? Would you be willing to try?
Have an Excellent Day!
Much Love,
E~
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