REGRET - Mark & Whitney

Mark Twain says, "We regret the things we don't do more than what we do do." I think there are some other amazing humans out there that would definitely co-sign to that statement. Today, I am knowing that I am one of them. I think back over the past almost ten months, of this life journey and know that even thru the considerable loss of relationships and stuff, and stuff, and relationships. I have also lost a lot of grief, anger, and sadness that was associated with my marriage. I do not regret having marrying. I could not have been a different or better self than I was at that time. I have forgiven my own ignorance and inabilities. I have forgiven my ex. I don't and never have hated her, I know she was and is doing the best she can with what she has at her disposal as well. Don't get me wrong, I am not walking around pleased as punch over many of her decisions, but they are her decisions to make and there are no mistakes. Understanding the divinity in that has changed my life.

One of the challenges I'm facing is generating financial abundance. I am living on so much less than I have ever lived on before (or at least since college). Still, I'm exceedingly happy, superbly healthy, mentally sharp, spiritually faithful and focused. I am awaiting a financial opportunity that will allow me to excel far beyond my former lifestyle and to diligently save, grow, and share the financial love. I am surrendering to Spirit and tending the garden at the same time. I have a lot of skills and abilities and it is just a matter of time until it the income pans out.

Through this challenging time I have learned to cut myself some slack and be kind to Erica. At first, the tendency to bemoan my fate was strong, but thankfully I'm through beating myself up over not having enough money during this period of tremendous change and divorce. I have done the 'Why didn't I have keep my own,' or 'How could she do this to me...I gave everything.' Wah, wah wah! I have whined enough. I now realize that I was wrong to expect someone, even my spouse, to care about me more than I was caring for myself. I should have protected myself and been honest and upfront about protecting myself. Instead, I put my faith in another human and since when has that ever worked? It's not a trust issue. Some of my friends and acquaintances tell me, 'E, you just can't trust nobody.' I disagree, I think you can trust everyone to be exactly what we are, human - beautifully, tragically, triumphantly human.

Just because I left I am experiencing life in magnificent 3-D Technicolor and Dolby Sound! I may not have yet, the cash flow, but I couldn't be happier and I know that money is on the way.

I am genuinely learning to love myself, forgive myself, forgive others and see the perfect order in all things even the hard things. I am understanding that I create my happiness. I have drank the proverbial spiritual Kool-Aid (Red). And I now know God, Divine Spirit, Universe, whatever you call It, and that knowing and surrender is the most amazing experience of Life.

So, I have little to no regrets. I have done what I must do to be here now. I may not have made others happy in my way and choices, but we all have only our own lives to live.

And to quote another great and tragic human...

"I didn't know my own strength

and I crashed down and I tumbled,

but I did not crumble

I got through all the pain...

Survived my darkest hour,

my faith kept me alive,

picked myself back up

hold my head up high

I was not built to break..."

Thank you Whitney. Thank you friends, family and supporters. Thank you for loving me near and far. Thank you for knowing my strength for me when I didn't know it myself. I love you very much!

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