My EGO is a 6'9" Basketball Beast

I actually think my Ego is a female version of Michael Jordan at the height of his career. Except my Ego is all Colby cockiness and LeBron arrogance.

My Ego is a six foot nine inch tall, brawny, demanding, self-righteous, loud, insecure...(she didn't want me to write that) and wounded narcissist. She's five years old and twenty-five years old at the same time. Oh, and she is often angry. Very angry.

Not insinuating that Brittney Griner is a Ego-maniac at all, she's just tall and can Ball!

She's prone to fits of rage and moments of complete chaos. She is also known to have bouts of depression. There were times when she didn't know how to keep breathing and even believed she had to worry about that automatic function. There were times when she didn't know if she should live or die.

Until recently she has been free to do and say and be whomever her big ass decided to be, whenever her big ass decided to be it.

I can't say that she even enjoyed the freedom because she was never really totally free. Her ideas, thoughts, words and actions trapped her into situations and circumstances where she ultimately suffered, and suffered big time.

I recently decided to step in and make some changes because Ego was attempting to destroy our life!

She was saying things like:

• It's not my fault...
• Why are you talking to me like that?
• My mother hates me...
• My father abandoned me...
• It's just not right...
• It's so hard being me...
• You don't understand me at all!
• Why don't you love me more?
• Why are they doing this to me?
• It should be this way...
• Love me like this or don't love me at all!

Ego was working overtime to stay alive and I was unconscious and allowing it to happen.

Please note that speaking of my ego in this way is for dramatic purposes and a device used only to make a point. What's the point you ask? It's coming.

The point is that the rules have changed and because of the change this Ego beast is not happy with me, though she can't do anything about it, and needs me to survive, she's thoroughly upset.

See, I have stopped her in her tracks by calling her out. I call my EGO out by by her name, ERICA (being) GHASTLY & OBNOXIOUS, i.e. my E.G.O.!

Ego no longer runs the show in this theater.  She did her damnedest to be the HNIC (Head Nigga In Charge) but the jig is up and now, I am, E.R.I.C.A. - Enthusiastically Renewed, Insightful, & Creatively Amazing. I am now back to being who I have always been determined to be, a being of Love. Everything it took to get here is and was worth it.

Did I destroy Ego? No, kinda, well, to some degree.

Can I destroy Ego? Maybe, but I would never do that. There are some great things Ego has done for us. She gave us the courage to get through many horrendous challenges and she showed up when no one else could or would.  She is valuable, very valuable when well disciplined. However, her reign of control has come to an end. She must be shut down and re-altered, like that rob "Vickie" from Small Wonder.

Discipline is the key to living and prospering with a 6'9" Baller Ego, it's the only way. Ego will die and resurrect to live in harmony with life instead of in chaos. She's learning. It has taken decades, but she is learning.

Dearly Beloveds,

We are gathered here today to lay to rest one who has served and challenged us greatly. E.G.O. (ERICA being GHASTLY and OBNOXIOUS).  She is no longer with us, however, we have all been changed because she was a part of our lives.

E.G.O. leaves behind her courage, strength of character and passion. She leaves behind her fearlessness and loyalty. These qualities have been taken up by her other self and will live on.

During E.G.O.'s near four decades of life she caused great hurt and pain to herself and many others because she just didn't know no better. We now release her from the guilt and shame and desperation she dwelled in and we now and forevermore forgive her.

As we send our sister E.G.O. off to the Uppa Room, we do so knowing all is perfectly well and is as it should be.

E.G.O. we love you. Namaste, namasta, mumakasa!

R.I.P. E.G.O.!